he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize