I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize