is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
