We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
