I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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