While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
