all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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