I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
