I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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