his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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