why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
