Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
