So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
