I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
