My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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