Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
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I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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