I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
