My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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