so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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