i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
