well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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