Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
