On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
