We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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