I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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