chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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