Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
