If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
