Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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