yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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