dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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