Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
