My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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