in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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