i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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