he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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