my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY