Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Canadian or clown?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?