If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.