operation harelip BJ is a go
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records