You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The beer is more important than you right now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!