I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?