Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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