I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
