Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
