I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
