I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
