I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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