Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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