well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
