i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
