I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
