So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize