He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
