this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
