I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
