Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
