if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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