But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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