My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
