he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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